Are You Living the Wrong Life?

"Most of us have two lives: the lives we live and the lives we are capable of living." - Brian P. Morgan

This line from Moran's book The 12 Week Year was like a gut punch to me.

You've probably heard all the rah-rah motivational advice before: "Follow your dreams! You only live once! Stay present! Just be yourself!" On and on it goes until your eyes roll to the back of your head and you've stopped listening altogether.

But this advice isn't like that. I'm not saying, "Hey! Forget all your responsibilities and financial constraints and go travel the world and become a digital nomad!" It's about taking an honest look in the mirror and seeing who you've become, the position you're in, and what got you here. Not to judge yourself, but to evaluate where the choices you've made have led you.

And that's where the fun starts; because as soon as you realize what got you here won't get you there, you can start to live differently.

So how do I suggest you do this? Here are a few ways I've been working through it myself:

• Start trying new things, no matter how small. The important thing is to realize you can go from being someone who "just doesn't do that" to someone who does. Maybe you start with a new coffee order, but over time your entire identity shifts into the type of person who craves exercise. Yes, that's a huge leap. But it's the kind of shift I'm experiencing, because that momentum from the tiniest changes snowballs into something huge.

• Ask yourself: "How can I make this fun?" The most liberating feeling is realizing how little we all matter in the grand scheme of things. Generally, no one will think about us or remember us when we're gone...so embrace it! I'm trying to remind myself constantly that nothing is as big a deal as it seems and I don't need to make everything mean so much.

• Pay closer attention to your fears. Every time I end up somewhere I don't want to be, whether physically or mentally, it's because I chose a comfortable prison over an initially uncomfortable freedom. There are still some eating disorder tendencies I'm actively working through where I experience exactly this. This kind of work is hard; it might require digging into your past and your deepest insecurities. But it's so worth it.

• Filter out the external. When making decisions, major life ones or minor day-to-day ones, try to filter out external opinions and focus on your values and the reasons that genuinely matter to you. This isn't a free-for-all to become a slave to pleasure and selfishness, but a reminder that nobody cares as much as you do. You're the only one who has to live your life, so stop making yourself miserable to make someone else better off. (Still working through this one myself.)

  
  

If life is tough right now, this advice can be hard to hear. If you're really struggling, the thought of not taking life seriously and trying to make things fun feels insulting. I get it. So take what works for you today and leave what doesn't. Just keep doing your best (and letting that look however it looks) moment by moment.

P.S. It has recently come to my attention that it is important to point out that AI does NOT write my blog posts. I do.