No One Can Solve Your Problems for You

Isn't it funny that we have more access to advice, healthcare "advancements", AI technology, and incredible conveniences than ever before, yet we still seem to be stuck, sick, and left with lives more complicated than before?

The truth is that none of these things can solve your problems for you. No matter how much society "progresses", we tend to regress in many ways.

But it's not all doom and gloom! The good news is that the more we see how all of this stuff isn't improving our lives, the closer we get to realizing what does: some good old solution-style thinking.

The most powerful mindset shift you can make is going from being problems-oriented to being solutions-oriented. Instead of constantly recognizing problems, ruminating on them, and researching them, we should strive to acknowledge them, take action, and iterate from there until things improve.

Of course, we can't control everything (I'm still working on understanding this one!), but we often have more power than we think over what happens to us and the outcomes we experience.

Here are some ways to start being more solutions-focused:

• Stop trying to do more and start doing better. Do something different. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, they say. Try experimenting. Most decisions are reversible. Take the pressure off. Try it, get feedback, adjust.

• Stop staring at a blank screen. If there's something you need to do, can you just START? The worst first attempt is better than no attempt. Write down the bad ideas. Just try any workout. Quit filtering yourself. Take it one step at a time.

• The AA Way. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change..." Sure, if you can't do anything about it, stay in it and work through it. But I bet you actually can do something. Find that one element, that one obstacle you can control, and handle it first. No matter how small. Find your zone of control. As you work through it, make "towards moves" (choices aligned with who you want to be) instead of "away moves". For instance, death and grief impact us all. But how can you work through it in a way that is aligned with the person you want to become and how you want to take care of yourself?

• Take the bird's eye view. Try not to hyper-analyze events in your life. Overthinking disguises itself as problem-solving. Frame it differently. Thinking "What did I do to cause this headache?" keeps you stuck. Thinking "What do I need right now to take care of myself?" moves you forward.

• Don't do what other people do.

  • Most people think "this is going to be a tough day" and throw their hands up. Instead, plan specific solutions for how you will navigate those challenges, no matter how nitty-gritty you have to get. Ambiguity is the enemy. "Be healthier" means nothing. Script the next actual physical move.

  • Most people think they have to do things the way they've always been done, listen to others' opinions, and keep up with the Joneses (even if they don't realize it). Instead, stop expecting people who don't understand your experience to have the answers. Identify what you truly want instead of what you think you should want. When making decisions, ask yourself, "If this had nothing to do with money, success, or other people, what would I want?"

    
    

They say you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. Nobody is coming to hand you the answer. But you don't need them to. Your problems are more solvable than you think. You just have to choose to start doing something about it. Even if it's imperfect. Even if it's small. Done beats perfect every time.