To Hell With Balance

I'm so Type A, they need to put another letter in the front of the alphabet to describe me. Maybe some of you can relate.

And yes, I did come up with that joke all by myself. I'm sure stand-up comedy is in my future.

But as a very Type A person, I've always taken the concept of balance to heart intellectually… but not emotionally. When I learned that you’re “supposed” to balance different areas of your life (work vs. rest, social time vs. alone time, nutritionally optimal foods vs. junk foods), I was ecstatic.

This was the answer to everything! If I could just “balance” correctly, I’d feel great and ride off into the sunset.

But… that didn’t happen. Balance became a math equation. How much alone time do I need? Did I spend enough time being social this week? Do I have the right blend of different hobbies? Am I eating 80% whole, natural foods and 20% fun ones? Am I doing too much? Am I doing too little?

It’s exhausting, and I lived this way for years.

This problem can show up differently depending on what season of life you're in. If you have children under the age of 18, you're probably so sick of hearing, “We all have the same 24 hours in a day!” and feeling ashamed that you can’t consistently make enough time to exercise, sleep well, or eat well, because your children somehow need you for 32 of those 24 hours.

Or maybe you're retired, and you looked forward to this time for the entirety of your working career: being able to relax, unwind, and finally have control over your schedule. But now you feel empty, or you're not as healthy as you want to be, and you simply don’t have the energy or capability to create a life that looks as “balanced” as it supposedly should.

What I’m learning is this:

Quantifying things you should only qualify does not lead to a good life.

Balancing the tasks of your life will not lead to fulfillment. Don’t trade the joy of a self-defined life for a prescriptive one. Letting go of “balance” can be incredibly liberating when you give yourself permission to live authentically.

Now, I’m not saying you should start eating fast food every day or have zero structure in your life.

What I am saying is that most of us assume we need a very specific level of balance and moderation across every area of our lives in order to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled. And that’s simply not true.

For example, I am a Christian. My faith is important to me. So self-liberation and authentic living don’t mean becoming my own god or living outside of what I believe to be Biblical truth.

What it does mean is accepting that I deserve to do things that make me feel my best, give me energy, bring joy and fun into my life, and align with what I truly value.

Here’s what my list looks like right now. I recommend using this as a template to create your own:

More: work, books, traveling, exercising, seeing friends, spending time outside, buying clothes I actually feel good wearing, eating chicken Caesar salads, meditating, reading my Bible, writing, coaching/therapy, cooking, dancing, staying present, eating dessert, crying when needed, buying people gifts, and going to bed early.

Less: time looking at a screen, saving money (yup), forced networking, caring so much about what others think, caring so much about how things “should” be, suppressing emotions, operating from a scarcity mindset, saying yes when I wanted to say no, and staying at events and parties that are boring.

Now, it’s your turn.

P.S. I write every single blog post myself.